Arthur's Dirty Mind

Characters: England, America, Canada
Length: 1 shot
Rating: PG-13 - dirty thoughts hoho
Time Period: Between 1600 and 1700 I'd say
Setting: England's house
Historical event: N/A

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Arthur figured that leaving Alfred and Matthew alone in the house while he went to shop for food was okay since they were old enough by now to take care of themselves. An hour away wouldn't give those boys too much time to destroy his home, right? At least that's what Arthur prayed for. He didn't need Al to set fire to his home. Again. At least Matt was there to keep an eye on his rambunctious brother.

When the Englishman returned with his groceries, he was relieved that his home was still standing in one piece. Smiling positively, he walked inside and headed towards the kitchen to get a glass of cool water. It was a rather hot day outside, quite unusual for the end of summer. The two boys were nowhere to be found, but Arthur assumed they were either out back or upstairs. Upon getting closer to the kitchen, he heard some hushed voices and shuffling noises. He could tell that the voices were of the two boys, but what could they be doing in the kitchen?

"It's so hot! L-look, it's dripping!" exclaimed the quiet Matthew.

The loud voice that followed was obviously Alfred, "NO! Need more! A big one!"

"Ew, don't lick it, Al!"

"But I'm thirsty!"

Arthur nearly dropped the bag while he froze in place. Dripping? More? Lick? His mind raced and images flashed in his mind, causing him to double over with a red face. Absolutely sick! Since when have those two learned how to do that? Arthur pressed his back against the wall right before the turn into the kitchen and listened in.

"Here, y-you gotta stick it back in to get it hard again...."

"I know, I know! But I can't wait that long!"

"I wanna suck on it, too, b-but we have to wait...."

"Too hot..."

The sound of moaning reached Arthur's ears and nearly flipped out. What the heck? What the hell were those boys doing in there? Arthur wanted to storm in there immediately to yell at them, but he didn't want to see them either. What was he going to do? He bit his lips and slumped to the ground to continue listening. He was disgusted with himself for eavedropping in on their moment, but what else was he to do?

"Al no! It's too soon!"

"No way, I can't wait any longer!"

"No, d-don't do that! Ah!!!"

"Aah! Sorry Mattie!"

"Wah! I'm so w-wet....You s-spilled all over me!"

At this point, Arthur didn't care. He couldn't take it any more! He had to confront them. Bolting off the ground, he stormed into the kitchen and glared at the boys with blind rage.

"WHAT IN THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON HERE? I DON'T RECALL RAISING YOU TWO TO BE SO NAUGHTY!"

Al's voice chimed in. "But we're not being naughty...."

"DON'T LIE TO ME! I heard it all! Saying stuff like 'I want to suck on it' and 'I'm so wet'!"

This time Matthew stuttered a response. "But it's true...we were only trying to make ice...."

Arthur stared dumfounded at the two boys sitting on the kitchen floor. In Al's hand was an empty ice tray. Matthew's clothes were wet with the water that had been in the tray. He felt his face turn red out of embarrassment and turned around to storm off into his room. All those dirty thoughts! He was ashamed for thinking that these two were actually having sex!

"Oh bloody hell!"

Al and Matt stared at each other as Arthur bolted off and shrugged as they were confused.

"What's his problem?"

"I don't know....um....c-can you help me clean up?"

"As long as I get my giant ice cube!"